calm background music to accompany you:
HELlO HElOEO LHLElo HElo hELPthl OEhlLOEhlO stranger,
Welcome to Vertigo’s first April Fool’s special issue! Here you can find all sorts of spicy quality content that do not necessarily adhere to a common theme.
This issue is separated into two parts and the distinctions should soon be clear as you browse through them. We hope you enjoy these because there should be no reason why you shouldn’t.
(Translation credit: Alisa Lu and Google)
આ એપ્રિલ મૂર્ખની ટીખળ છે
dit is ‘n prut van ‘n dwaas in April
ин абрҳои фиребгаронаи апрел аст
hii ni prank mpumbavu wa
qhov no yog april ruam lub prank
tai balandį kvailio išdaiga
to je poteptanja aprilske budale
wannan shine wawa ta magiya
dit is in prank fan april-nar
ეს არის აპრილის სულელის გულგრილობა
din hi d-daħla ta ‘l-iblaħ ta’ April
這是愚人節的惡作劇
这是愚人节的恶作剧
to jest prima aprilis
นี่คือการเล่นตลกของคนโง่เมษายน
これはエイプリルフールのいたずらです
c’est une farce de poisson d’avril
ఇది ఏప్రిల్ ఫూల్ చిలిపి
இது ஏப்ரல் முட்டாளின் குறும்பு
questo è uno scherzo di pesce d’aprile
דאָס איז אַ שפּיצל פון אפריל נאַר
esta es una broma de los inocentes
이건 만우절 장난이야
þetta er prakkarastrik í apríl bjáni
hii ni prank mpumbavu wa
यह एक अप्रैल फूल की शरारत है
Kani waa doqon nacas ah
pranc ffwl ebrill yw hwn
đây là trò đùa của một kẻ ngốc
hoc est April stulti ludo est scriptor
энэ бол 4-р сар
ဒီanပြီလလူမိုက်ရဲ့နောက်ပြောင်မှုတစ်ခုပါ
Eccu un scherzu di un pappu d’aprile
This is an April Fool’s prank.
And he said to the man, running the stand
“Hey! (Bum bum bum) Got any grapes?”
The man said
“No we just sell lemonade. But it’s cold
And it’s fresh
And it’s all home-made. Can I get you
Glass?”
The duck said,
“I’ll pass”.
(Waddle waddle)
‘Til the very next day.
(Bum bum bum bum ba-bada-dum)
And he said to the man running the stand,
“Hey! (Bum bum bum) Got any grapes?
The man said,
“No, like I said yesterday
We just sell lemonade OK?
Why not give it a try?”
The duck said,
“Goodbye.”good day
(Waddle waddle)
Then he waddled away.
(Waddle waddle)
Then he waddled away
(Waddle waddle)
‘Til the very next day.
(Bum bum bum bum ba-ba-dum)
And he said to the man running the stand,
“Hey! (bum bum bum) Got any grapes?
The man said,
Look, this is getting old.
I mean, lemonade’s all we’ve ever sold.
Why not give it a go?”
The duck said,
“How ’bout, no.”
(Waddle waddle)
Then he waddled away.
(Waddle waddle waddle)
Then he waddled away
(Waddle waddle)
‘Til the very next day.
(Bum bum bum bum ba-ba-dum)
And he said to the man running the stand,
“Hey! (Bum bum bum) Got any grapes?”
The man said,
“THAT’S IT!
If you don’t stay away, duck,
I’ll glue you to a tree and leave you there all day, stuck
So don’t get to close!”
The duck said,
“Adios.”
(Waddle waddle)
Then he waddled away.
(Waddle waddle waddle)
Then he waddled away
(Waddle waddle)
‘Til the very next day.
(Bum bum bum bum ba-ba-dum)
And he said to the man that was running the stand,
“Hey! (Bum bum bum) got any glue?”
“What”
“Got any glue?”
“No, why would I– oh!”
And one more question for you;
“Got any grapes?”
(Bum bum bum, bum bum bum)
Then he started to smile.
He started to laugh.
He laughed for a while.
He said,
“Come on duck, let’s walk to the store.
I’ll buy you some grapes
So you won’t have to ask anymore.”
So they walked to the store
And the man bought some grapes.
He gave one to the duck and the duck said,
“Hmmm..No thanks. But you know what sounds good?
It would make my day.
Do you think this store
Do you think this store
Do you think this store has any lemonade?”
(Waddle waddle)
Then he waddled away.
(Waddle waddle waddle)
Then he waddled away
(Waddle waddle)
With Socially Distanced Love,
The Officers
p.s. if you’re a writer and want a name change for your piece, please email us thank you
Part One: The Epilogue
Atrocity: A Collection of Poems
Julia Wang & Grace Huang
SUBJECT: hi i am stuck
Diya Mirji & Alisa Lu
Life Is Better Than It Seems
Grace Lu & William “woke” Zong
One
Jamie Tan & Lillian Fu
Garden
Christy Yu & Sophie Guan
1
Joy Song & Renee Ge
Analyst
Elizabeth Cheng & Ethan Lin
Pippin the Wingman
Audrey Wong & Alisha Bose
Angels Up in the Sky
Megan Xu & Suphala N.
On Worms
Amanda Zhu & William Huang
The Old Neighbor
Catherine Li & Melissa Chen
The Youngest Member
Angela Sun & Kaylia Mai
Take One
Caroline Wang & Flora Huang
Sirens
Alice Lu & Helina Li
One
Joy Song & Michelle Zhu
Nancy’s Sugar High
Allison Li & Pranav Mishra
Hello to Legs
Hanzen Shou & Matthew Lu
Lights
Ria Chaudhary & Sunny Lu
Part Two: The Prologue
Infinity and Infinite
Grace Huang & Julia Wang
Fabric Softener
Alisa Lu & Diya Mirji
Do Whatever Makes You Happy
William Zong & Grace Lu
Two
Lillian Fu & Jamie Tan
Circles
Sophie Guan & Christy Yu
2
Renee Ge & Joy Song
Mercenary
Ethan Lin & Elizabeth Cheng
The Sunshine on Sandra
Alisha Bose & Audrey Wong
A Sad Singular Sock
Suphala N. & Megan Xu
The Meaning of Everything
William Huang & Amanda Zhu
The Miracle
Melissa Chen & Catherine Li
Off-Script
Kaylia Mai & Angela Sun
Take Two
Flora Huang & Caroline Wang
My Face That Doesn’t Belong to Me
Helina Li & Alice Lu