April Fools 2020

calm background music to accompany you:

         HELlO HElOEO LHLElo HElo hELPthl OEhlLOEhlO stranger, 

Welcome to Vertigo’s first April Fool’s special issue! Here you can find all sorts of spicy quality content that do not necessarily adhere to a common theme. 

This issue is separated into two parts and the distinctions should soon be clear as you browse through them. We hope you enjoy these because there should be no reason why you shouldn’t.

(Translation credit: Alisa Lu and Google)

 

આ એપ્રિલ મૂર્ખની ટીખળ છે

dit is ‘n prut van ‘n dwaas in April

ин абрҳои фиребгаронаи апрел аст

hii ni prank mpumbavu wa

qhov no yog april ruam lub prank

tai balandį kvailio išdaiga

to je poteptanja aprilske budale

wannan shine wawa ta magiya

dit is in prank fan april-nar

ეს არის აპრილის სულელის გულგრილობა

din hi d-daħla ta ‘l-iblaħ ta’ April

這是愚人節的惡作劇

这是愚人节的恶作剧

to jest prima aprilis

นี่คือการเล่นตลกของคนโง่เมษายน

これはエイプリルフールのいたずらです

c’est une farce de poisson d’avril

ఇది ఏప్రిల్ ఫూల్ చిలిపి

இது ஏப்ரல் முட்டாளின் குறும்பு

questo è uno scherzo di pesce d’aprile

דאָס איז אַ שפּיצל פון אפריל נאַר

esta es una broma de los inocentes

이건 만우절 장난이야

þetta er prakkarastrik í apríl bjáni

hii ni prank mpumbavu wa

यह एक अप्रैल फूल की शरारत है

Kani waa doqon nacas ah

pranc ffwl ebrill yw hwn

đây là trò đùa của một kẻ ngốc

hoc est April stulti ludo est scriptor

энэ бол 4-р сар

ဒီanပြီလလူမိုက်ရဲ့နောက်ပြောင်မှုတစ်ခုပါ

Eccu un scherzu di un pappu d’aprile

This is an April Fool’s prank.

 

A duck walked up to a lemonade stand
And he said to the man, running the stand
“Hey! (Bum bum bum) Got any grapes?”
The man said
“No we just sell lemonade. But it’s cold
And it’s fresh
And it’s all home-made. Can I get you
Glass?”
The duck said,
“I’ll pass”.
Then he waddled away.
(Waddle waddle)
‘Til the very next day.
(Bum bum bum bum ba-bada-dum)
When the duck walked up to the lemonade stand
And he said to the man running the stand,
“Hey! (Bum bum bum) Got any grapes?
The man said,
“No, like I said yesterday
We just sell lemonade OK?
Why not give it a try?”
The duck said,
“Goodbye.”good day
Then he waddled away.
(Waddle waddle)
Then he waddled away.
(Waddle waddle)
Then he waddled away
(Waddle waddle)
‘Til the very next day.
(Bum bum bum bum ba-ba-dum)
When the duck walked up to the lemonade stand
And he said to the man running the stand,
“Hey! (bum bum bum) Got any grapes?
The man said,
Look, this is getting old.
I mean, lemonade’s all we’ve ever sold.
Why not give it a go?”
The duck said,
“How ’bout, no.”
Then he waddled away
(Waddle waddle)
Then he waddled away.
(Waddle waddle waddle)
Then he waddled away
(Waddle waddle)
‘Til the very next day.
(Bum bum bum bum ba-ba-dum)
When the duck walked up to the lemonade stand
And he said to the man running the stand,
“Hey! (Bum bum bum) Got any grapes?”
The man said,
“THAT’S IT!
If you don’t stay away, duck,
I’ll glue you to a tree and leave you there all day, stuck
So don’t get to close!”
The duck said,
“Adios.”
Then he waddled away.
(Waddle waddle)
Then he waddled away.
(Waddle waddle waddle)
Then he waddled away
(Waddle waddle)
‘Til the very next day.
(Bum bum bum bum ba-ba-dum)
When the duck walked up to the lemonade stand
And he said to the man that was running the stand,
“Hey! (Bum bum bum) got any glue?”
“What”
“Got any glue?”
“No, why would I– oh!”
And one more question for you;
“Got any grapes?”
(Bum bum bum, bum bum bum)
And the man just stopped.
Then he started to smile.
He started to laugh.
He laughed for a while.
He said,
“Come on duck, let’s walk to the store.
I’ll buy you some grapes
So you won’t have to ask anymore.”
So they walked to the store
And the man bought some grapes.
He gave one to the duck and the duck said,
“Hmmm..No thanks. But you know what sounds good?
It would make my day.
Do you think this store
Do you think this store
Do you think this store has any lemonade?”
Then he waddled away.
(Waddle waddle)
Then he waddled away.
(Waddle waddle waddle)
Then he waddled away
(Waddle waddle)

            With Socially Distanced Love,

            The Officers 

p.s. if you’re a writer and want a name change for your piece, please email us thank you

Part One: The Epilogue

Atrocity: A Collection of Poems
Julia Wang & Grace Huang

SUBJECT: hi i am stuck 
 Diya Mirji & Alisa Lu

Life Is Better Than It Seems
Grace Lu & William “woke” Zong

One
Jamie Tan & Lillian Fu

Garden
Christy Yu & Sophie Guan

1
Joy Song & Renee Ge

Analyst
Elizabeth Cheng & Ethan Lin

Pippin the Wingman
Audrey Wong & Alisha Bose

Angels Up in the Sky
Megan Xu & Suphala N.

On Worms
Amanda Zhu & William Huang

The Old Neighbor
Catherine Li & Melissa Chen

The Youngest Member
Angela Sun & Kaylia Mai

Take One
Caroline Wang & Flora Huang

Sirens
Alice Lu & Helina Li

One
Joy Song & Michelle Zhu

Nancy’s Sugar High
Allison Li & Pranav Mishra

Hello to Legs 
Hanzen Shou & Matthew Lu

Lights
Ria Chaudhary & Sunny Lu

Part Two: The Prologue

Infinity and Infinite 
Grace Huang & Julia Wang

Fabric Softener 
Alisa Lu & Diya Mirji

Do Whatever Makes You Happy
William Zong & Grace Lu

Two
Lillian Fu & Jamie Tan

Circles
Sophie Guan & Christy Yu

2
Renee Ge & Joy Song

Mercenary
Ethan Lin & Elizabeth Cheng

The Sunshine on Sandra
Alisha Bose & Audrey Wong

A Sad Singular Sock
Suphala N. & Megan Xu

The Meaning of Everything
William Huang & Amanda Zhu

The Miracle
Melissa Chen & Catherine Li

Off-Script
Kaylia Mai & Angela Sun

Take Two
Flora Huang & Caroline Wang

My Face That Doesn’t Belong to Me
Helina Li & Alice Lu

 

this is the best issue
John Doe
the bob man
^ i agree with John's sentiments
Joo Doe
the bob man 2
its so good i cried
Joo Foe
the bob woman
im so inspired
Inns Pyre
anonymous stud
everything makes so much sens
Makese Ns
anonymous stude
This is life changing
Life Chang
anon