by Elizabeth Cheng
Art by Catherine Li
Issue: Nostos (Winter 2019)
when the sunlight first hit my eyes
the initial seconds are bewildering
i don’t know where or who i am
afterwards the minutes are luxurious
smooth and velvety
never ending
locked in a safe haven
deep under layers of dependence
held by the sun, the clouds, the moon, the stars
nothing i want to do
next the world crashes to me
but only through my lens
tunnel vision confines me inside
the world shrinks
pricking at the back of my head
like a bitter fruit
i can’t swallow it down
it stays with me
inside my chest, unmoving
pushing my heart to pound
forcing my breath to quicken
desperate for comfort
i rise
the grey heaviness
a sloth behind my eyes
no way out
but forward
so that’s where i go
the warm yellow glow
once so fresh
once so captivating
now just irritates every part of my body
the writing is lifeless to me now
this and that and this again
neat and precise
my conscience wants me to brutally force through
but my body craves the bliss it needs
there’s nothing left
as the weariness spreads to my mind
through my limbs
then deeper into my soul
i fall back
into the slumber
hours gone
from yet another day
but i am still back where i began
when the sunlight first hit my eyes.
