mirror mirror

frost releases a

breath mingling with glass;

a temporary stain

soon forgotten

soft footsteps patter along the wooden floors, unbroken and supple. she bursts through the doors triumphantly, and i feel a firm tug on my self made coffin. small hands sneak through the covers engulfing me, cold nails pressing against heated arms. a little sister carved from caffeine and marshmallows, whispers at my shielded ears, chocolate breath tickling through my eardrums. her head shovels under the fur and chestnut irises greet me owlishly. a chestnut imprinted in my eyes forever. my heart squeezes and i let her yank my spindle arms into an upright position. 

october knocks at our window, vermillion and mustard whipping around trees, guided by the zephyr tiptoeing through the air. gentle fingers trace the sunlight framing our beds as fall announces itself in flushed cheeks and crinkly scarlet smattered across lime green.

gesturing wildly at the mahogany floor, she flings herself onto her large pillows, feathers enclosing her small face. piles of blankets litter our floor and she confidently holds up a worn Winnie the Pooh decorated with a fluffed toolbox. 

“cashel” she sputters, her accent warping the words. castle. 

fog creeping up the sides of the reflection

curling tendrils grasping 

at a shadow

faded

i add a new pillow to the stretching tower, precariously balancing a new brick in our fort. she hauls two chairs and coats the space between with our furry Frozen blanket. our castle is one room.

“bigger” she squeals, hands flying in delight. rescuing the pillows, i catch her palms with mine, delicious laughter bubbling in my throat. laughter i only remember by a shadow. she wriggles against my grip and my hands enclose hers, clutching her fingers to my chest. the promise tethered at my lips intertwined our hearts, weaving together in a strange sense of purpose: a promise of felicity swaying above our heads. i hand her another chair.

we pile our throws, shoving ash grey couches to the side of our living room. dust billows from under their comfortable prisons – a pale skin over the vividness of october. constructing a roof with old blankets, securing them in place with faded pink barbie clips and stretched out hair ties, we roll under our new abode, stretching our legs and toes as far as we can. our castle is two rooms. yet my promise hangs between us.

my fingers grip the edge of the marble sink

straight coal locks of hair curtaining

the face hiding behind;

terrified of the shadow

pale, gaunt bones peek through my skin

a testament to weariness

a warning from my body

time to rest

more chairs. more pillows. i cup my hands together to hoist her up, arms braiding around her waist to reach the ceiling fan. higher. wider. longer. bigger. laughter echoes through the castle. two rooms becomes three, three becomes four. our homemade abode spans our entire living room, hoisted by blankets fueled by buoyancy. october’s smile glitters on our castle, imbuing the structure with oak and maple. 

chestnut eyes find mine again. her corners crinkle up in joy and i feel my own lips curve into a smile. a foreign expression on a haunted face. strange. 

my breath condenses on the glass

dripping down the side sorrowfully;

pearls shining through the mist

–a lighthouse

imbued with laughter

from a past

best forgotten

echoes of felicity

frame the glass–a reflection

of a shadow 

that forgot to live

i rinse my hands under

frozen water–tendons in my fingers

numb to feeling as soft green veins

crack my palms

mist caresses my cheeks

my breath rippling against the mirror:

my heart clenches

as i prepare myself to go

back to a world

where she is not

i slowly lift my leaden head to meet

the haunted chestnut irises 

in my reflection