snowing pains

childhood was a dream

an amber-lit dream

of warm milk

of grubby fingers 

of lulling bed-time stories

tugging incessantly

at the neck of the itchy burgundy sweater

squeezed over your head by mom

because you dont need it

warmth

I don’t want it

I don’t need it

you protest

until one day

its gone

and you

you have never been

so viciously

so ceaselessly

so mind-numbingly cold

ghostly forsaken winds howl 

frost climbs down your throat

ice settles into your bones

slam shut your eyes and ears all you want:

they wail.

so you crouch 

amid the biting storm

white swirling into black

snow encircling in mounds

invisible shards sinking into your skin

and you think to yourself

I need it

I need you

snowing pains

stumbling 

until: out of the dark whirlwind

a ray of light, blinking

home. home. 

home.

the door you walked through so many times

reopening

warmth melting chapped hands

familiar low voices

the smell of cedar and sun

i cant stay

but 

ill always return

to this hazy dream of mine

again and again