go eat apple pie

go eat apple pie

Alisha Bose

warning: profound, might make you cry


if you are sad

do not be, because remember at least you are not doing forty pages of homework and at least you are not

spending money on pixels and at least you are not craving apple pie but the apple pie that you finally get

gives you food poisoning and a permanent distrust of all cozy-looking inn restaurants and at least you are

not watching the stickers fall off of your sticker wall because they won’t stick even though that’s their

whole job and at least you are not accidentally cutting your bangs too short so they flop miserably just

above your eyebrow and at least your candle didn’t burn weird so now it’s impossible to light it unless it’s

with the lighter that you’re too scared to use.


if you are happy

continue to be, because remember it’s entirely possible to go on pinterest right now and search up fuzzy

cows and it is entirely possible to get apple pie but this time from mcdonalds because they won’t let you

down like certain other unnamed restaurants, and it’s entirely possible to go paint badly on your

homework right this instant, and it’s entirely possible to go kiss your pet on the top of their head (this is

not possible if you do not have a pet, or if you have a pet that violently attacks you at the slightest display

of emotion), and it’s entirely possible to binge an entire series on netflix in one night (which might lead

you to neglecting your homework which could lead to you feeling sad, in which case go back to the

beginning of this piece).


if you are angry

valid, go on tiktok and use that one sound of that person singing you make me lose my temper and post it

to all your followers even though that trend is going to be over in a few weeks (maybe it’s already over,

i’m not exactly sure), go yell at that apple pie that gave you food poisoning, and go for a swim (but not if

you can’t swim, because then you would drown and everyone would be sad and have to go back to the

beginning of this piece), and go throw eggs at a wall or something because eggs really don’t have a

purpose unless you put them in cakes because scrambled eggs are an insult to the world and if you

actually enjoy eating those yellow globs you deserve to be sad and go back to the start of this piece.


if you are confused