613 Elm Drive

Oct 1
Dearest neighbor,
We just moved into the house next door. We’re new to the neighborhood and we’re looking
forward to getting to know everybody around here!
Jen, Raymond, Noah, and Lucy Jones, your neighbors at 602 Elm Dr.

Oct 3
Dearest neighbor,
We heard that you’ve won our neighborhood’s annual Halloween decoration contest for 23
consecutive years. We offer our sincere congratulations and wish you luck in this year’s contest.
Lastly, we would like to politely inform you that we are also a family of Halloween aficionados
and we have been planning our Halloween decorations since April.
Respectfully,
Your neighbors at 602 Elm Dr.

Oct 7
Dearest neighbor,
We’ve all been slightly disappointed that you haven’t responded to our friendly notes and we
would be delighted to hear from you soon! We also noticed that you’ve started decorating your
front yard. We thought the ghoul hanging on the tree was a nice touch, but the cobwebs on your
bushes are frightfully common. Although this is a friendly competition, friendly competitions
unfailingly turn out better when competitors put a bit of pressure on each other, so we would like
to add a friendly reminder that we already have large black widows crawling up our front door,
three witches stirring a cauldron on our lawn, and several decaying limbs jutting out of the
flowerbed.
In the spirit of competition,
Your neighbors at 602 Elm Dr.

Oct 12
Dearest neighbor,
It’s truly tragic that the gusty winds last night caused a wayward tree branch to, by mere chance,
puncture the giant inflatable spider on your roof in multiple places so as to mutilate it beyond
repair. We were always fond of that piece since an inflatable spider leg partially obscured a
rather unsightly attic window of yours. Although it’s a shame that the violent weather disfigured
such a tasteful decoration, we suggest that you consider this a blessing in disguise, for the
spider’s tattered remains go rather nicely with your rotting shingles.
Sending thoughts and prayers for Mr. Legs,
Your neighbors at 602 Elm Dr.

Oct 16
Dearest neighbor,
In case you were wondering about the planks in our front yard last week, we would like to inform
you of their purpose. My husband, at my request, has begun constructing the scaffold of the
main attraction of our decorations this year: an imposing, 1.5 story structure composed of multiple chambers, each with a different focus (a werewolf den, a cave of skeletons, etc). We apologize in advance if the noise of construction bothers you. 

Looking forward to hearing from you,
Your neighbors at 602 Elm Dr.

Oct 22
Dearest neighbor,
It’s such a pity that nature has once again wreaked havoc on your lawn, although this time, it
was the fault of the fauna instead of the flora. Perhaps this could have been avoided if you were
aware that raccoons are known to develop a taste for pumpkins during the fall season. Although
we are competitors, we are sincere when we say that the entire family adored your
jack-o’-lanterns. We are truly sorry for your loss even if it might seem beneficial to us.
Sending thoughts and prayers for your pumpkins,
Your neighbors at 602 Elm Dr.

Oct 26
Dearest neighbor,
We are currently in the last stages of decorating our main structure, which we have dubbed
“Haunt Hill.” We plan to relocate the witches and their cauldron to the top of the Hill tomorrow
morning. By then we will have completed the decoration process.
Wishing you the best of luck in besting us this year,
Your neighbors at 602 Elm Dr.

Oct 27
The Downeyville Daily
Massive Yard Decoration Collapses in Freak Accident
11:43 AM

A large, crudely-constructed wooden structure in the front yard of an affluent Elm Dr. home
came crashing down at about 10:00 AM this morning, scattering Halloween decorations up and
down the street.
Rebecca Sullivan, who was walking her dog past the yard decoration when it crumbled,
says it was a “moment straight out of Spongebob Squarepants.”
“There was a man putting some sort of giant pot of purple goo on top of the structure,
and that was when it collapsed.” According to Sullivan, the cauldron crashed through the
scaffold “like a fat man in a lawn chair” before rolling down the street and leaving a trail of “slimy
purple witch snot.”
“My heart goes out to the family of that man. He took a pretty big tumble from the top of
that ladder,” says Sullivan.
Betty Smith, 72, who lives across the street from the site of the collapse, was less
sympathetic, claiming that “Haunt Hill was a disaster waiting to happen.”
“A witch plunged headlong into my squash patch,” grumbled the septuagenarian. “We all
love Halloween here in this neighborhood, but those Joneses have taken it too far.”

Raymond Jones, who fell feet-first off his ladder when his decoration collapsed, is
currently being hospitalized for a fractured tibia.

Oct 28
Dearest neighbor,
I’m sure you heard about the accident— it was all over yesterday’s papers. I’m afraid we have
no chance of winning this year’s Halloween Decoration Contest. We congratulate you in
advance for your victory.
Your neighbors at 602 Elm Dr.

Oct 31
From: Elm Dr. Homeowners Association elmdrivehoa@fakemail.com
To: rayjones13@fakemail.com
Subject: Congrats!
In a unanimous vote of support from our five-person judging panel, you have won the 2020
Halloween Decoration Contest! Please contact John (613 Elm Dr.) to claim your prize of one
jumbo bag of candy corn and one decoration of your choice. Have a spooky Halloween!

Oct 31
Jen, Raymond, Noah and Lucy:
It’s truly miraculous that the gusty winds and intelligent raccoons coincidentally reassembled
Haunt Hill last night and even placed the witches and their (empty) cauldron at the top of the
Hill! As a testament to your hard work and good fortune, I voted for you and convinced the four
other judges to do the same. Congratulations on your victory and happy Halloween!
Spookily,
Your neighbor, John, at 613 Elm Dr.