house of cards

much like a house of cards,

we are delicate

we stand under the worn roofs,

cards shuffled and edges softened 

careful of my next move,

a misplacement mimics the winter breeze,

and then one by one,

the facade of a grandeur castle falls.

i desperately pick up the same deck of tattered cards,

grabbing the pieces as fast as i can

but with the damage already done, 

i am once again rebuilding the same house of cards as before

this time i tell myself i’ll be more careful, 

this time i tell myself it’ll be different,

this time i tell myself that maybe within the millions of variations and attempts,

one will work

the king of spades bruises my hands,

cutting deep wounds in the tips of my fingers

i spend late nights on the floor of my bedroom

figuring out the blacks from the dozens of reds

and eventually, i reshuffle again 

.