No. 1

No. 1


“What will you do?”

I will go on.

Go far, far away.

To the halo of light

That glimmers beyond your shoulder.

Seizing your wings,

I will kill my flightless self

Because in the end

There is you.

There is only you.

Just you.

The perfect, beautiful you— 

The dazzling silhouette.

The one.


“Have you reached it yet?”

Not yet.

Ten nine eight seven…

It is the countdown to my victory!

One foot in front of the other,

But I cannot tell forwards 

From backwards.

Have I already gone far enough?

Or am I just going in circles?

Please tell me that much.

Your light is growing distant

And even your shadow is blurring.


“What do you want?”

I want to create,

Just as gods do.

But the act of creating

Seems more and more

Like self-harm.

Isn’t it pitiful?

Just dig the knife deeper

Into my cheek and

Carve out what’s left of my face.

Then plunge the blade

Into my chest,

And dance my mutilated flesh

Forward into happiness.


“What will you do?”

I can only keep going.

Going is all I can do so,

I will do it some more.

Someone somewhere there

Is laughing— 

Laughing like gods,

As gods.

It’s you, is it not?

It could only be you.

But what about me?

Where am I?

Will there even be

Any one?


“Are you tired yet?”

I don’t know

Six five four…

Is it that time already?

But I’m just here.

There’s no way forward.

There’s no way back.

You should have told me

That it was like this sooner,

Then I wouldn’t be here in the first place.

I need to keep going now,

I know that much.


“What do you want?”

I want to destroy

Just as gods do.

But the act of destroying

Seems less and less

Like living.

Isn’t it admirable?

Just seize those broken shards of self— 

Cut my fingertips,

My hands, My wrists.

Watch the veins burst and bleed,

Mercilessly picking at those scabs.

Exposing nothingness,

Scattering ashes into the storm.


“What will you do?”

Is that all you can say to me?

I can’t go on

Any longer.

If going is all I can do,

There’s nothing left.

Your light exists only

As eyes in the night sky.

Your inky remnants— 

Warped rings grasped

By stifling, layered wings.

Is this okay?

Must there truly be

Some one?


“Are you done yet?”

Three two one.

It’s my final countdown!

I am here,

No where!

With no desire forward,

With no need backward— 

The end is where I am.

Isn’t this amusing?

I’ll laugh

And I’ll cheer,

Just as I do.


What do I want to do?

I’ll do nothing.

Surrendering, succumbing,

Relinquishing, resting.

I’ve already killed you— 

Gods and angels, slain.

And now I am victorious!

Alone amongst oblivion

There’s me.

There’s only me.

Just me.

The hopeless, worthless me— 

The meaningless life.

No one.