Jiatian Yuan, Alisa Lu, Akshara Taraniganty

i. Coughmilkstar Introduces VertiClan


we are cats

we are clan

we eat rats


cat i am

leader of



my loyal mate

brings me rat

which i ate


my favorite child

brings me fish

makes me smile


other child

his spit is

simply vile


who is he

another child

yes, we have three.


our enemy

from liliclan

(she hates me)


verticlan’s past leader

now in starclan

her guidance, i need her

ii. Interlude

So begins the tragic tale of the ill-fated deadly deaths of our noble leader, Coughmilkstar. May we honor her and her valiant leadership with this memorial of her nine passings.

1. In Which Coughmilkstar and Echofart have too much Tex Mex

Only thanks to Coughmilkstar’s relentless work did VertiClan see peace, what with the disputes between Boohbahkit and Spitkit, the echoing of Echofart’s flatulence, the struggling tweeting plaguing the clan, among other terrifying occurrences from the clan.

Coughmilkstar had seen many long days on the job, but this one was different.

She returned to her den, heaving a sigh of fatigue. She moped toward the door, prepared to throw herself onto the ground and take a nap.

But when she opened the door, she was met with a surprise… an escape from the mortifying ordeal of existence… 

Coughmilkstar was instantly drawn in by the burritos, tacos, and fajita scattered all over the ground.

“Hey, you nacho,” Echofart smiled. “Wanna have some Tex Mex?”

Coughmilkstar dug in, face first into the tacos. After the tacos came the burritos. And the salsa. And the beans. And the fajita…

And finally, death.

Our dearest Coughmilkstar, leader of VertiClan, overindulged in Tex Mex. This is a precautionary tale to all the kits out there: too much Tex Mex means death.

iii. Interlude

it is i, coughmilkstar

leader of verticlan

today i have died

i must talk to starclan

starclan tells me,

“bad coughmilkstar!

too much tex mex

you went too far”

depressedstar speaks

“your first life taken in pain”

her voice i seek

“another 8 remain”

alas, i am revived!

to my clan i return

am grateful for life

for there is much to learn

2. In Which Excessive Tex Mex Indulgence leads to Echofart’s Flatulence

i return to reality

there i see echofart

crying for me

i have broken her heart

but her heart i repair

because i am risen!

i jump up with much flare,

“i am released from death’s prison!”

echofart is surprised

she is very scared

for though i am alive

she believed my life was not spared

in a combination of overindulgence,

tex mex, and shock,

echofart lets out loud flatulence

we did not even talk

after her shock comes mine;

her fart scares me greatly.

i tell her, “i am not fine.

you are very stinky.”

and so i died

and from then on i knew

that from echofart’s farts, i must hide

for they are loud and stinky; it’s true.

3. In Which Echofart’s Loyalty Goes Too Far

Echofart, deeply regretful for her flatulence, sought out on a mission: not only to relieve Coughmilkstar of her stress properly, but also to apologize for her devastating fart.

And so she sought out to find the yummiest rat for Coughmilkstar to eat. Though she had brought Coughmilkstar countless rats in the past, this one needed to be special.

Echofart travelled far and wide to find the perfect rat to satisfy Coughmilkstar’s needs. Through tundra, grasslands, marshes, she finally found it. The vermin’s whiskers trembled and its body swelled as it sensed a threatful presence—the presence of Echofart.

Echofart leapt, confining the rat to a cage formed by her claws. She slashed at its body, watching it turn limp. “Perfect,” she thought. “Coughmilkstar will love eating this rat.”

She presented the rat to Coughmilkstar. It was unlike any rat that she had ever seen in the past!

“I’m so hungry. I need a rat now!” she pleaded, pawing desperately at the air. 

And so Coughmilkstar devoured the rat. 

Her eyes began to water as she took a bite. “What a yummy rat,” she mumbled. She began to choke. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head, and her world went black.

4. In Which Coughmilkstar Asphyxiates in a Hole Between Two Hills


ate too much rat

if i no run

i shall grow fat

need to work out

in that case

i have found

a workout place

two round hills

like twoleg butt

in between them

a deep rut

i run down

the steepest hill

cannot stop

crash i will

ow my body

ow my feet

ow my neck

i cannot see

why cannot see?

i am stuck

in groundhog hole

deep in the rut

try to get out

but cannot

inside rut-hole

i shall rot

body too wide

from rats i ate

cannot breathe

i suffocate.

5. In Which Coughmilkstar Slips on Spitkit’s Spit and Succumbs to a Basilar Skull Fracture

spitkit spits

on the ground

slip on spit

i fall down

break my neck

and my back

break my head

skull goes crack

slippery spit

made me fall down

spitkit, dont spit

on the ground!

6. In Which Coughmilkstar Bravely Battles the Opposing Clan


of liliclan

set a claw

on my land


is such bad!


makes me mad

i hiss at her

she hisses back

she growls at me

and attacks

claws and teeth

fur and blood

my face is ground

into the mud

front paw slash

belly rake

my life pushyfart

does take 🙁

7. In Which Two Of Coughmilkstar’s Children Commit Matricide

so i have

two cool kits

their names are

boohbah and mit

anyways i 

love my kits

(except for spitkit

because he spits)

together they

like to plot

i wonder what

they plot about

oh no they were

plotting about me

i guess i’m kind of

flattered, heehee

they approach me

laughing out loud (lol)

then they kill me

spitkit is not proud

(because of this murder)


(he is embarrassed of them)

(i’m dead)

8. In Which Coughmilkstar Swallows A Dead Fish Whole and Suffers From Esophagus Fissures

mitkit is sorry

so she brings me a dish

she has gone fishing

and found a dead fish

where do i put

this fish, i ask

mitkit is confused

nothing rhymes with ask

the fish is pretty

what a surprise

i am glad that mitkit

tried to apologize

i eat the fish

goes into esophagus

i get esophagus fissures

that kind of really sucks

mitkit brings me water

but to no avail

her plan to save me

will undoubtedly fail.

i am dead again


idk what to write here

coughmilkstar is dead again

9. In Which Mitkit Tries to Revive Coughmilkstar With Milk But Coughmilkstar Coughs on Milk

Coughmilkstar’s esophageal fissures had been too severe for even StarClan to heal. Unable to eat without yowling in pain, VertiClan’s formerly brawny leader wasted away until nothing covered her bones except fur, skin, and hollow dreams.

Coughmilkstar laid motionless in her den. She stared at the walls through glassy eyes and overgrown locks of matted fur. There was nothing to do now but wait for her ninth and final life to slip out of her feeble grasp.

Suddenly, Coughmilkstar heard a knock at the entrance of her den. With great effort, she raised her head. “StarClan?” she muttered. “Have you come to claim me at last?”

“Mother, it’s just me.” Mitkit crouched beside the entrance, dragging a large leaf behind her. “I brought you something.”

Mitkit positioned the leaf beside her mother’s moss bedding. A pearly white liquid rippled in the leaf.

“I brought you some milk, mother.”

Coughmilkstar sighed. “Mitkit, I appreciate your kindness, but you know I can’t swallow anything.”

“Yes, I know, but… I was hoping you could drink some milk. Just a little bit.” Coughmilkstar looked into her daughter’s pleading face. The tears glistening in her wide eyes made Coughmilkstar’s heart twinge. She couldn’t let down her daughter.

“Alright, then. Just a little bit.”

Coughmilkstar gingerly brought her face to the rim of the leaf and lapped up a bit of milk. The refreshing warmth, the creamy taste— for the first time in days, Coughmilkstar felt a vigor course through her nearly bare bones. She took another greedy gulp, and another, and another.

Then, she swallowed.

It was like Lionstar himself had set her throat ablaze. Her esophagus burned as nourishing milk coursed in rivulets along her esophageal fissures. She couldn’t swallow anything else, so she coughed. The violent motions racked her feeble frame. 

Coughmilkstar could not stop coughing on milk. 

In the end, Coughmilkstar, in her compromised condition, coughed herself straight to StarClan.

Coughmilkstar, you will always be remembered as the noble, just leader of VertiClan. Every time we welcome a new member or purr in italics, we know that you are watching over us from StarClan.