Recovered Pages From: Fundamentals of Physics (8th edition) by Jearl Walker
by Riya Abiram and Isha Shah
ISABEL: Physics student in Period 1
ROSE: Physics student in Period 3
VANESSA, LUCY, NAOMI, RAINA: Physics students in Period 2
MR. NORMAN: Physics teacher
VANESSA: GUYYYYYYSSSSS I DON’T WANNA GO TO PHYSICCCSSSS
ROSE: What’s the drag equation again? I can’t remember
LUCY: oh my god why do you literally never know anything
NAOMI: shut up Lucy it’s not like you ever do
RAINA: guys guys guys i think i want to bury myself in a hole. or go to la cueva
(ISABEL walks in behind them, gently tapping LUCY’s shoulder)
VANESSA: ah! Isabel you scared us. What do we do in physics?
(ISABEL’s eyes are glazed over, a blissful smile spread over her face)
ISABEL: (dreamily) HI! Nothing is ever wrong in physics!
NAOMI: What on earth are you saying, literally shut up you astrophysics nerd
(ISABEL grins, giggling crazily before stumbling away from the confused group, ROSE follows along)
ROSE: wait, Isabel, wait, what do we do in physics? did he say anything about the quiz?
ISABEL: (chanting) submit to physics, submit to physics, all hail the physics lord…
(class is going over warm up questions)
MR. NORMAN: Class, what did you get for part ii of question e?
LUCY: Uhh I got 9.8M for every single problem in this FRQ….
RAINA: I somehow got -505.5453485 percent?
NAOMI: So i did give up halfway through so im gonna guess the letter H.
MR. NORMAN: (shakes head in disappointment) The correct answer was 36.5
VANESSA: (head tilted, mouth scrunched, eyebrows questioning, aside, to NAOMI) huh? how did he get that
MR. NORMAN: (super hearing activated) It’s quite simple Vanessa, we just need to take gravity into account…
(MR. NORMAN’s head falls off. Cue the chaos. students scream, try to run toward the door. The door slams shut. The lights flicker off. Shadows emerge from the corners. The one nearest the door moves in a sluggish pattern, inches towards the students.)
RAINA: oomg omgomgomgom what is that
LUCY: i don’t care what that is how on earth did norman’s head just fall off
VANESSA: (hysterically) gravity!
NAOMI: (grasping at their arms) guys literally shut up
DRAG: (soft chant, growing louder with more echoes as they continue to speak) Calculate my terminal velocity. CALCULATE MY TERMINAL VELOCITY.
VANESSA: (crying at this point) i want my moommm
NAOMI: (shocked into a bad ur mom joke, á la ROSE) ur mom wants your mom
(the students, shaking with terror, try to make their way to the opposite end of the room to escape the deranged DRAG. But not before they encounter another pair of paranormal characters emerging from the corners)
NAOMI: there’s more?!?!?!
RAINA: nope that’s it this is it im done im going home
LUCY: (in hysterical laughter) I DONT KNOW HOW TO DO DRAG
VANESSA: (pointing at the twins in horror) Who are they???
ANGULAR AND TANGENTIAL ACCELERATION: (heads spinning while chanting) Find our centripetal force. FIND OUR CENTRIPETAL FORCE.
(NAOMI tries to throw a book at their head but fails to succeed. She did not throw the book at the correct angle…)
(The students were cornered. They run to the back windows of the classroom in a desperate last attempt to escape the creepy spirits. But from the window emerges the most terrifying spirit of them all.. )
TORQUE: (Chanting gleefully) What am I? WHAT AM I?
(The students had nowhere left to go. The spirits had cornered them from every side. Paralzyed with fear and cowering together, all they could hear were overlapping voices that demanded answers. As they squeezed their eyes, begging for mercy, their panicked thoughts began to disappear. Suddenly their fears turned into equations, their thoughts into free body diagrams, and their sanity into pure physics…)
(ROSE talks to her friends before feeling a gentle tap on her shoulder. She turns around to see VANESSA,RAINA, LUCY, NAOMI, and ISABEL standing in front of her, with glossy eyes and an eerie smile…)
ROSE: Hey guys, what did we do in physics? Isabel never told me before…
VANESSA, RAINA, LUCY, NAOMI, ISABEL: (chanting) submit to physics, submit to physics, all hail the physics lord…
ROSE: Guyss please stop with your creepy voices. I need serious help.
VANESSA, RAINA, LUCY, NAOMI, ISABEL: (giggles overlapping) Nothing is ever wrong in physics!
MR. NORMAN: (hiding in the shadows) You’re next, Rose