by Joyce Ker
Art by Coby Chuang
Issue: Scintilla (Spring 2019)
we killed clocks that night. young and wild
and dopamine-drunk, we covered our bodies
in glitter. you took me to a carnival
at the boardwalk and we rode a ferris wheel.
ascending: this is what it means
to be weightless. invincible.
to ignore all their warnings
because i love your eyes, your mouth,
and you love the sunbeams in my hair,
roses in my cheeks.pretty girl.
you would never do that to me too. you,
throwing me candies, stepping on all the other girls.
watching me eat half a donut, wrapping your arms
around my waist. don’t get fat. you,
soothing my sobs until a smile lit my face.
forcing me to cry for no damn reason.
cry. i want to see.you,
sticking your finger-bullet into places not to touch.
i am teaching myself forgetfulness,
learning the taste of salt on my tongue.
i am taking in all their bald stares.
submerged in bathtub-water,
i take to my navel, twist the knife around
like seeding an avocado.
i watch flesh-flecks blossom,
trickle. i hunger. i hurt.